Book Review: Trauma, Tattoos, and Trees

Reviewed by Samantha Hui

A radical new perspective on the conversation regarding suicide 

Material success in America is much less a ladder and more a Sysiphean boulder; the same could be said about emotional and mental health. With Trauma, Tattoos, and Trees, Jamelia Turner wants to destigmatize the conversation around suicide.

“My ‘illness’ is that I’m a sponge. I soak up negative and positive energy alike but once I’m full, I bleed out until I’m dry. My life has been a series of feeling other people’s trauma.”

While it can be easy to blame a series of unfortunate moments for a person’s emotional, monetary, and material struggles in life, Turner suggests that the systems we have in place are set up to enforce the status quo, to help the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor. While the subject matter can be controversial and Turner’s own personal stories can be quite triggering, she provides a very human perspective on the issue that can help others think through their traumas as well as educate those not currently suffering from suicidal ideation to better support their struggling friends, family, and community members.

“In fact, being a part of the foster care system was more like living the American Nightmare.”

Jamelia Turner has been doing what she’s been told it takes to achieve the American Dream. However, at every turn, she feels as if she’s doomed to live through the   American Nightmare. At 35 years old, she’s outlived her parents by almost five years, but she doesn’t see this as an accomplishment; to live is to be burdened with the suffering of life. 

Since her parents died so young, Jamelia fell victim to the foster care system that left her feeling unstable, vulnerable, and apathetic. In trying to build a better life for herself and receive a four-year education, she was left houseless and in thousands of dollars in debt. When she tried to give back and truly care for foster kids the way she had needed, she was retraumatized. And in trying to seek help for her mental health, she encountered system upon system that capitalized on the suffering of people. 

“I sit here today, having obtained a four-year private university degree, working for upper-class employers in upper-class communities, yet I don’t make enough to live in the same community, let alone a safer community.”

I will admit that my own preconceptions surrounding discussions of suicide made this memoir a difficult read for me at first. It was shocking to me for Turner to say that suicide is a valid option. But as I kept reading, I came to understand that because of the stigma around suicide, many professionals and loved ones will try only to stop a person from killing themselves instead of trying to find the root cause of the suffering. 

In Turner’s journal entries, we can see that the mental health treatment she is provided almost seems like professionals trying to solve the puzzle of the body: What happened in the past that has caused this trauma to ripple into this person’s present? What concoction of antidepressants are needed to keep the monsters at bay? This memoir suggests that we haven’t taken enough time to care about the person as a whole or consider that maybe it’s not the person who needs to be fixed but the systems that allow the person to continue to suffer. 

“My last day at the Casa was nostalgic. On one hand, I had a safe place to stay for two weeks and met some encouraging people. On the other hand, I really wanted to get out of there so that I could check my emails. There were bills I needed to pay on time.”

This memoir touches on subjects such as depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, violence, assault, self harm, among other sensitive subjects. There is quite a bit of repeated information because the events in the book are not told linearly. Though this is sometimes confusing, I also could appreciate that information was introduced to readers in the same way that memory returns to people: sporadically and sometimes repeatedly. Mental illness does not always present itself in socially acceptable ways. 

For those who are seeking to truly understand, learn, and empathize, there is much to learn from this book, and Turner’s captivating writing style will have readers reconsidering their own prejudices. 

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