Book Review: I Never Knew How Old I Was

Reviewed by J.B. Leddington

Short stories that explore the complex nature of human relationships and interactions as they evolve over time.

I Never Knew How Old I Was, David Joseph’s third short story collection, is centered on the concepts of age and time and the relationships that exist among the two. As Joseph explains in his Author’s Note at the start of the collection, while we are conditioned to view age based solely on the passage of time, “age is more complicated than that. Age of our bodies. Age of our minds. Age of our hearts. Age of our souls. Surely, these things don’t all age at the same rate. Surely, they don’t merely age according to time. In fact, in many ways, they are impervious to time.”

This multifaceted perspective on age and aging, as well as the link or absence thereof with time, is evident throughout the 16 stories that comprise the collection, as is Joseph’s stated belief in having aged faster than he might have expected: “What I can tell you is that I’ve felt old for a long time now, a very long time, since I was relatively young in years. I’ve felt worn, though I won’t be so bold as to say wise.” This subjective approach, coupled with the use of first-person narratives in all the stories, renders the whole collection deeply personal and immediate.

In the title story, “I Never Knew How Old I Was,” which actually closes the collection, a man and woman meet in a New York bar and begin the complex, if brief, process of getting to know each other while engaging in considerable obfuscation as a self-preservation measure. “That was one of the things I liked about New York. You could be funny or regular, exciting or boring, flamboyant or dull anywhere you went. It took all kinds here, and all kinds were welcome, at least welcome to try.” As they talk, the line between reality and fantasy increasingly blurs, as does the humor of their situation.  

For the man in particular, the pretense is key. “Each night, when I settled onto a barstool and began the steady diet of booze and pills, it was only a matter of time before fantasy became reality and reality slipped toward fantasy, a fantastic nightmare I wanted to forget, needed to forget, if I was ever going to move forward in my life with any degree of normalcy.” Yet, strangely, the woman might just be the one person who can divert him from his self-destructive path and help him return to (and reconcile with) reality.

The interactions between the two, as well as the man’s thoughts and justifications, make for a sharply observed character study. The man and the woman become fleshed out incredibly quickly, with Joseph providing deep insights into their psyches in a relatively short time, revealing the good, the bad, and the ugly. Their situation isn’t as profound as the man might think, but it certainly is engaging. The setting of New York City is also incredibly well evoked, including its influence as a place where people can both disappear and find themselves.

These key characteristics of the title story—the precise and appealing characterizations and the detailed and evocative scene setting—are actually reflected in all of the remaining stories too. Joseph has demonstrable skill in capturing the small moments of life that have surprisingly large significance and transforming oddly personal vignettes into short stories with general appeal and resonance. While the other 15 stories included in I Never Knew How Old I Was are all exceptionally good, there are a couple that particularly stand out. 

In “So Far From Town When Everyone Else Lived Close,” a young man reflects on attending his Uncle Randall’s annual Fourth of July barbecue with his extended family, including Randall’s two illegitimate children and his revolving roster of youthful girlfriends. “Uncle Randall was something of a mystery. Outside of the Fourth of July, he didn’t have much contact with the family. He was also pretty private, and he didn’t talk much about his decision to live so far away. Mom was always a bit suspicious of him and his motives.” The narrator’s mother was most especially and vocally concerned with Randall’s girlfriends and what they might see in him as an older man.

The family tradition comes to an abrupt end when the narrator’s mother gets drunk during the Fourth of July barbecue just after his 18^th birthday and brashly asks Randall’s latest girlfriend: “What on earth are you doing with Randall, honey? It can’t be for the money, and don’t even tell me it’s for the sex.” Still, nine years later, he has a chance to reconnect with Randall and discover his uncle’s secret to (largely) harmonious familial relations. In this way, a truly cringe-worthy ending to a party leads to surprisingly deep insights into personality, truthfulness, and the pernicious pestering of community.

Once again considering the nature of community and the microcosm of family, in “I Could See It Happen” Joseph explores how family obligations can inadvertently serve to bring a person low. It all starts when the narrator’s father loses his job. “In some ways, it was inevitable, and I watched it, right before my eyes. The sheer dejection of it all. The unending depression of being a man, a husband, a father, without a job. The mortal feeling of inadequacy at being unable to provide for your own family.” While it’s clear that despair eventually led to his father’s death, the power of the story lies in its portrayal of the father as both a hero and an ordinary guy.

The closure of the local mill has a devastating impact on all the men who worked there, just as it does on the town as a whole, which provides Joseph with another opportunity to show his mastery of linking people to place. Through the intimate depiction of a father and a husband, Joseph elucidates the wide-ranging impact that a seemingly average person can have and, therefore, the deep void that they leave behind. “It didn’t make me wish my father was alive, that he had adapted like his friends. Just the opposite. The truth was I didn’t want him to change. I never wanted him to change. I wanted him to be exactly the man he was.” 

Together, the stories that comprise I Never Knew How Old I Was represent a deeply thoughtful and personal meditation on the inevitable process of aging—however quickly it might happen for the individual—and the importance of evolving human relationships. Joseph excels at establishing realistic and universal characters in few pages and then in turning their concerns into episodes that are by turns moving and amusing. In spotting the significance of even the most mundane of events, he showcases the breadth of human experience and the power of the individual to influence the fate of themselves and others.

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