Death is inevitable, but that doesn’t make it any easier to navigate; this book helps readers travel the tricky and painful waters.
Moriah Melín W., a Birth and Death Midwife, is no stranger to the process of death and grieving. With both professional and personal experiences of losing people, she knows the challenges inside and out, including how overwhelming it can feel. With How to Show Up for the Dying and Their Loved Ones, she aims to ease that struggle.
Moriah’s desire to write this book stems from a heartbreaking moment where she felt like she did not show up for her cousin after the death of his newborn. Even though she was able to apologize to him, she still struggles with the guilt and decided to create a guide to address the challenges of being there at whatever capacity you are able. Containing actionable tips and practices within, this big-hearted book is a balm for those during undeniably emotional times.
In a conversational style, Moriah outlines what she calls the “Three Stages of Death” and then expands on the ways people can show up for others during each stage, using the five core principles or essential tools. Using personal examples for each chapter, she further explains what each entails and then includes exercises for the reader to further explore the process. The activities are mostly journal-like questions to dive into emotions, as well as meditation guidance for centering. These practices will work well for those wanting to get more in tune with how they are feeling.
The guide is extremely approachable with easy language and a clear layout—an important feature for a book like this. There is a level of sensitivity the author brings to the writing as well, approaching death and dying from a situational standpoint; she acknowledges that there is not a one size fits all answer. She is not here to tell people they are doing it wrong but to show how to do it right for themselves.
This approach makes sense considering the book has such a wide appeal—from friends and family of those with terminal illness to caregivers wanting advice on their own self-care while they tend to the dying. The gentle approach and her encouragement of the reader to reflect and take a moment sets a nice tone for the book, especially given the emotionally demanding subject manner. However, there is some drawback in appealing to such a broad audience; it does require the reader to pick and choose the content they consume, so not everything will be relevant to everyone.
One especially interesting area the author covers is the modern approach to burial. In addition to burial and creation, there are many other options available, and Moriah has firsthand experience with some of the less conventional methods. Some of what she details will likely surprise readers, like bringing the body home after death and composting the remains. Everybody deals with death differently.
Overall, this is a kind and sensitive guide for those searching for guidance during a painful time. Those struggling with how to show up when someone is dying will find this helpful.
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