Journey to Paradise
by Sarah Jolicoeur
Genre: Nonfiction / Memoir
ISBN: 9798891321199
Print Length: 242 pages
Publisher: Atmosphere Press
Reviewed by Erica Ball
An intimate memoir on forging a happy polyamorous marriage
Journey to Paradise is a deeply personal memoir about the development of the author’s polyamorous relationship with her now husband. It takes us on a journey through the ups and downs of navigating individual desires, needs, emotions, and even the other people who affected their relationship over the years.
In a friendly, clear, and inviting tone, the author earnestly describes the realities of what to many is an unconventional relationship, but throughout, she remains understanding of those that feel they could not work with this type of relationship.
As a scrapbooker and journaler, the author is able to include detailed accounts of key events and her thoughts as they happened. This means she can reconstruct the seemingly mundane but complicated moments that make up relationships like these, including decisions on where to live, how to decorate, what to eat and drink, and more.
From the beginning of their relationship, the author’s husband was clear he wasn’t wired for monogamous relationships. As the author comes to terms with this at the same time as her intensifying feelings, it becomes clear this isn’t a problem for her, but she does need a certain level of commitment from him and for them to be regularly included in each other’s lives.
As they both grapple with questions of what such a commitment can look and feel like in a poly relationship, they also find themselves moving houses, moving cities, and switching jobs. Sometimes living together sometimes not, sometimes with other people, sometimes focusing on each other they try to figure out how to do life and love in a way that works for both of them.
Relationship dynamics are complex enough with two involved, but the complexity increases exponentially with the addition of other parties. Add to this the countless practical questions illustrated in the period of time they lived as a triad with another woman, sharing property, errands, chores, farm, home, and their sex lives.
Thanks to the author’s commitment to a truly honest exploration, there are times when no one involved comes off looking angelic. Episodes of poor communication can be difficult to read but illustrate just how crucial communication is, as is honest self-reflection and self-analysis. The author’s thoughtful introspection, as well as research, provided her the experience to explain some of these difficult behaviors, even when they were very painful for her to experience.
Many times, in both the past and present, she resorts to humor to cope with these feelings. The author’s dry humor may make it a challenge for some readers to determine when she is speaking sincerely and when she’s poking fun or being ironic. Some of the topics she comments on are very sensitive ones like women’s roles in a relationship or weight issues. Many readers, though, will enjoy these asides.
Due to the amount of first-hand lived experience and extensive research, this book is highly recommended for readers who are interested in the complexities of intimate interpersonal dynamics, unconventional romantic relationships, and perspectives that question social norms.
It’s a fascinating peek inside a relationship unlike what many of us have experienced and is an important reminder that there are many ways a committed relationship can look. It is also a reminder that every human can accidentally or deliberately hurt the ones they love. It’s how we deal with that that matters. We decide if it’s worth the pain to work through and keep the relationship or not. More than anything, it is about two people who find that they see each other and love each other for who they really are.
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