Wisdom Builds Her House
by Carole Duff
Genre: Nonfiction / Memoir
ISBN: 9781962416047
Print Length: 222 pages
Reviewed by Elizabeth Zender
A deeply insightful memoir courageously navigating the layers of a life lived
In Wisdom Builds Her House, Carole Duff reflects on some discoveries made during her second marriage, instigated by the journals of her husband’s daughter Gretchen. These diary entries give insight into her own life while pushing Duff to confront her own history. With refreshingly candid prose, Duff shares and analyzes the myriad stories of her past.
When the book begins, Duff is living with her husband Keith. She is looking at the end of her thirty-three years of teaching as a sort of sabbatical, now choosing to busy herself with the building of their house, the company of their puppy Heathcliff, and these journals from Gretchen, whom she never had a chance to meet.
As she settles into her new day to day, she reflects on memories of her adolescence, her parents, and her own experiences as a mother, especially the difficult times with her own daughter. This kind of remembering isn’t necessarily comfortable, even as just the reader. Duff views her own parenting style with a heavily critical eye and sees herself as “Beast and wimp…both seemingly opposite weaknesses.”
Duff sees herself in the stories of Gretchen’s life. Keith is more than happy to discuss what Duff learns, repeating the mantra “No secrets” throughout the discovery process. I admired both Keith’s willingness to share the good and bad of his daughter’s life, as well as Duff’s bravery in pursuing this understanding, even when her discoveries caused her to confront difficult truths about herself. She delves into her history of mental illness, beginning in her teenage years, the lasting impact of violence, and her newfound faith in God, despite her father having been a devout atheist.
Early in the memoir, she shares a visit with her mother where she shies away from prying into her childhood, particularly in regards to an event referred to as “the accident.” Duff says that she “realized [she], too, hid [her] face,” just as her mother had. She voices a common fear that we, as humans, share: not talking about the hard things allows us to pretend they don’t exist. This theme is prominent throughout the memoir. Duff’s artful storytelling leaves room for readers to delve into their own histories. Looking back on your behavior as an adolescent is uncomfortable, especially after the lessons we have learned on the road to adulthood.
Carole Duff’s poignant memoir, Wisdom Builds Her House, is an inspiring dive into the questions of who or what are we supposed to be and how we reconcile our present with our past. I thoroughly enjoyed her honesty and her willingness to share the beautiful with the ugly. Mothers, daughters, and sisters alike will see themselves in the pages of the book and join in the journey of self-rediscovery.
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