Book Review: Shaking in the Forest

Reviewed by Erin Britton

An illuminating memoir about how beauty can be found in tragedy

Lori R. Hodges thrusts readers into the tension and trauma of her decades-long career in emergency services n Shaking in the Forest: Finding Light in the Darkness. Butshe does so in a very surprising way. 

Indeed, it turns out that Hodges actually participates in her first search and rescue mission at the age of just 13, when she helps to locate the pilots of a Cessna that had crashed in the woods near her home. “I’d wager not a lot of other people started their teens searching for downed aircraft in the forest.”

This early experience of the unpredictable nature of life and tragedy likely informed her worldview as an adult: “I am the person who plans for the worst-case scenario as part of my normal routine because, from everything I have seen, bad things clearly happen to everyone—whether they’re ‘good’ or not.” Still, despite her clear acceptance of the random way in which life unfolds, Hodges is neither melancholic or a pessimist. Quite the contrary, she is adept at recognizing and describing the beauty of everyday life:

“Through it all, the profoundly good days start to mean so much. Those are the days when you gather with family and friends and tell stories and laugh, remembering other good times from the past. The births, birthdays, reunions, awards, and graduations bring such delight, pure joy, and pride. They are all so much better because we know that those moments in time are precious.”

Sadly, Hodges’ own experience of the bad days starts in her childhood, when “Alcoholism crept into my family dynamic, shifting stability to dread.” Her father’s alcohol addiction turns him violent and triggers a severe fight or flight response in the   rest of the family. For her part, Hodges relates how she lived her early life “as if I might die at any moment, and I always had something horrible swimming around in my head—the uncertainty of life and its dangers.” Such recollections are presented in a clear and matter-of-fact way, establishing Hodges’ levelheadedness and suitability for a career dealing with emergencies.

As soon as she finishes high school, Hodges leaves the family home and moves to Las Vegas, where six years of “wandering and muddling through” eventually leads her to pursue a career in paramedicine. From her youthful participation in the Civil Air Patrol to a chance encounter with a Las Vegas ambulance to being awed by the work of paramedics at a Grateful Dead concert, it seems that fate really was nudging Hodges toward a life in the uniformed services. There was certainly a lot of serendipity involved in her path, indicating the importance of keeping an eye out for signs of purpose.

As is to be expected, Hodges’ stories from her time as a paramedic involve some of the worst events that can ever be witnessed. For example, her first drowning call as a paramedic involved a baby girl who had fallen into the pool when her parents weren’t looking. “Getting a 911 call on a baby in distress is one of the worst a paramedic can get. No call rivals the stress of holding a child’s life in your hands.” While this call ends happily, many do not, which highlights just how strong and resilient paramedics must be. Some of these stories are majorly eye-opening. 

Hodges’ descriptions of events are never sensational or gratuitous either. Rather, she takes pains to highlight the human side of every tragedy, never placing blame or focusing on the mistakes that people have made. That’s not to say that Hodges spares the emotions, as she makes it clear just how devastating medical emergencies are, but she does so in a highly empathetic way.

Moreover, while she steers clear of any in-depth discussion of a particular higher power, she does reflect on how fate or chance or something seems to intervene in some tragedies. For instance, she describes how she and her partner attend a car crash where firefighters report there to be one victim. Despite this, Hodges hears moaning and senses the presence of someone else nearby. “There were two things I knew at this point. The first was that my initial patient was truly dead—not-coming-back dead—and definitely not the one moaning. The second was that we were not the only ones in that forest.”

Her intuition proves to be correct when, at her request for a further search, they locate a second victim around 10 feet away from the main scene, hidden in shadow. What’s more, this second victim is still alive, albeit unresponsive. “He was not moaning when we found him and most likely never moaned while we were there. But it was because of the moaning that I had felt uncomfortable about leaving the scene and why I asked for another search of the area.” Of course, Hodges can’t answer the big questions that incidents like this one give rise to, but the issue adds an extra dimension to Shaking in the Forest.

Relatedly, it’s interesting to learn how Hodges perceives her career in paramedicine to have changed her: “Once I became a paramedic, I changed. I became more cautious, and I became a watcher. I learned to stand apart from the scene and analyze it as a whole instead of as an individual part.” It’s no surprise that being involved in momentous events changes a person, but Hodges also describes how the people she has worked with have taught and changed her. This insider’s view of personal evolution is unusual and illuminating, and Hodges has no fear of laying out her own flaws along the way.

Still, as much as Shaking in the Forest is Hodges’ story, it is also the story of all the people that she has met over the course of her career, both those she could help and those she could not. Many people feature only briefly in her recollections but leave a lasting impression, including the drunk driver who kills four members of the same family, the coworker and friend who dies by suicide, and the patient with suspected Ebola. Hodges has a unique gift for penning colorful portraits of the eclectic characters she meets along the way.

In addition to helping others with their medical emergencies, Hodges also has her own health-related problems to deal with, most notably the persistent chest pain that follows her hospitalization due to a pulmonary embolism. For far too long, doctors dismiss the feeling in her chest as anxiety stemming from the episode of the embolism, revealing how anyone—even someone with medical experience—risks being dismissed by professionals who are unwilling to take the time to find the root of the problem. In this way, Hodges’ experience serves as a stark warning of the need to trust your instincts.

Divided into the four phases that Hodges perceives to have characterized her life, Shaking in the Forest insightfully explores how she has grown, learned, become, and accepted over the course of her journey as person, including coming to terms with her childhood, with the problems of addiction, and with the pure randomness of tragedy. It’s impossible to know how many lives Hodges has influenced and saved, but it’s clear from her memoir that she has had a profound impact on numerous people and they on her. Through her storied career, she has certainly more than lived up to her aim: “I must live a life that is worthy.”

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