I’m Not Dead…Yet
by Dr. Joshua J. Caraballo
Genre: Nonfiction / Memoir
ISBN: 9798990365605
Print Length: 261 pages
Reviewed by Susan Morris
A compelling memoir about adversity, resilience, and having the courage to own your truth
“The early years of my life were dotted with a variety of difficulties, each of which helped to contribute to hardship in one form or another.”
Everyone has a story. Which parts resonate and shape us into who we later become? Which parts are under our control, and which are beyond our reach? These essential questions are some of those posed and contemplated within Dr. Joshua J. Caraballo’s empowering memoir, I’m Not Dead…Yet: How I Turned My Misfortunes Into Strengths.
We are all born into unique family units. We can almost universally empathize with the expected difficulties and the incredibly challenging circumstances that sometimes come from this part of life. So the memoir begins with the author’s birth in the late 1970s and builds a foundation and unity from that touchtone of common ground.
Caraballo’s achievement is to take that shared foundation and create a safe space for the expression of a gay Puerto Rican boy raised within a religious family whose beliefs made his natural form of expressing romantic love into a sin.
“I wish to underscore the fact that the development of your true identity isn’t contingent on rules, laws, or community values.”
The author does such an excellent job discussing individuality and the pressure to become someone you’re not proud of. But it’s also about the persecution that comes with protecting intrinsic values.
He shares stories about his father, a figure acting as head of the household. And how that experience was both good and bad; while his father was very involved in his life, he also perpetuated “a toxic cycle of masculine ideals, power dynamics, and blind family loyalty.”
His mother was expected to be subservient, but she did not always comply. One memorable scene follows a trip with his family to see his grandfather—a man who calls his mother a vulgar name in Spanish. The family leaves soon after. But it’s his father who offers the moral lesson to the family on the way home: family is family, can never be discarded, and is due unconditional love. We ask: Isn’t it his mother who should receive support and love in this scenario?
Cultures, probably since the beginning of humanity, have set about to establish roles by gender. We can each relate to the fear, guilt, and shame that comes with the belief and sensation of being “less than what’s expected” or inherently flawed. Where have these pressures come from? And why do they matter? The debate is heated and longstanding, inspiring civil rights movements aiming to eliminate or negate unfair treatment based on individual traits.
A storyteller, actor, and artist from his youth, Caraballo invites readers into his life with poignant clarity and courage. He shares coping mechanisms utilized in his youth and lessons learned in adulthood.
“I managed to carve out space for the discovery and cultivation of a passion. . . This didn’t solve my problems but made them just that extra bit more bearable.”
Starting from a young age, the author is candid about his attraction to other boys. And later, he shares an emotionally charged story about coming out for the first time to a longtime male friend with whom he had fallen in love, and about how that friend reacted to his admission.
At its mid-point, the memoir transitions from a youthful look at life’s unexpected travails into a story of survival, battling not only cultural expectations but also addiction, illness, and incarceration. These stories further deepen the narrative and create a web of interconnected experiences that lead from one choice to the next. It’s easy to understand how Caraballo left home after graduation seeking freedom from the culture he’d grown up within. The journey toward finding himself was long and challenging, full of decisions he made, and decisions made for him. This memoir is one man’s empowering story and a book worth reading.
“I increasingly feel that the very best stories are those that make their viewers think deeply and seriously about a topic. They are the stories that leave people with a desire to not only contemplate their own decisions in life, but also to improve them.“
Thank you for reading Susan Morris’s book review of I’m Not Dead…Yet by Dr. Joshua J. Caraballo! If you liked what you read, please spend some more time with us at the links below.
What did you think?